Let the hurt begin..

And so I just got home from walking Nicole down the road.. And saying good bye to her..I can't really find words to describe how I feel right now.. I feel really alone and torn, like I just lost a big part of myself.. But I guess no one will really understand that, or how much she ment to be. Besides her, anyway... Got a nice solid 3 hours of crying in earlyer, so I think I'm going to go lay in my bed and work on that some more before I have to goto school and put up with all the people there and there bullshit..I'm lost...

Weekend and such

The weekend wasn't to bad.Friday we went on a LSD trip, but I already kinda explained that in anohter post.Saturday we all drank at Erics. There were a bunch of people there and stuff. It wasn't to bad of a time.I'm pretty sure shits gonna hit the fan soon. Ma found something in my coat pocket that she shouldn't have. I'm not sure if she knew what it was or not though.. Becuase I woke up and it was just on my desk. Its not even that good of a time for shit to be going down.. Nicole leaves Wed morning and I'm not all that sure whats going to happen after that..

Crashing... It all comes.. Crashing?

Well then... I don't quite know how to explain what I feel like now.. The night seemed to be against me to the very end.. And I feel like I'm tore in two and I don't know what to do..The day started off good. Grad BK day. Aka, Get right high and jet around day. So thats what me, Mark, Jay, and Evan did.Later on tonight we went and got a bunch of acid, and things kinda went down hill from there...Nicole called home today and shes leaving Wed... I donno what to do about that.. But really what can I do..I donno.. We went on a big acid mission out the woods... Everyone left at one point to see a fight or something.. I donno. Lol. I'm really stirght outta 'er still..CoupleFoxOld man?It just seems like everything was against me and I don't know what to do with myself after that little turn of effects working with my crank on.I don't know how to explain anything very well right now.. But things seemed to be working against us tonight.I just don't know...

School soonish

Well, the last few days have been rather uneventful. A few things have happened that are worth writing about, but I'm just gonna leave them be. Just chilling out before I head to school, urg, school.

Rather boring day

Well, not much happened today at all.I went to town at like 5:30 and just hung out there for awhile. Nothing really happened at all. Eric showed up later in the night and Nicole, Jonny, Vince and myself went for a drive to Sydeny. We met up with Mark after work and then I just went home after that. Really boring.. Feeling kinda down today too. But it might be just the zonk from the weekend edventure.

A few side notes

As I've come down and up on this little adventure of a weekend I find myself looking at things the same way as I have since Evolve. I love Nature. Mal seems to like Nature too, but it just seems so.. Wild-ish for Mal. Like a mountion man. Lol. Its maddness. I feel alot more at one and equal with everything then that, or I feel like it anyway. Its odd now everyone takes things in and loves them in their own little world.. No one really seems to be on the same level with me since Evolve. That is unless your counting the people I went there with. "Cliff Dwealers".Things all seem so simple now. I just want to write but I don't really have a reason too... But I do. This is why I kinda wished I came home early, to be more fresh and alive to write more.

What a weekend!

So its been afew days, and boy what a few days its been.Right now I feel so used and old, but sleep will fix that. On with the party..Friday night me and Nicole got a quart of Whiskey and Juanita had a party. She was all mintie nise and we all got loaded and such. Some of us left and went to Mark K's house. Where Lew passed out and we sprayed him with shaving cream and drew all over him. Mark thought it would be a good idea to pass out too, so we did the same to him, only made with the chop chop on his mop. Ahaha. It was great fun.After that we left his house and it was like, 5 Am. Nicole found that she was locked out of her house, so me her and Mark went and slept in one of my cars for a few hours. All was well around 9 when we all went home for a good day sleep. Adventure started today when I woke up and Jones called me, then Nicole. I left at like... 6ish and met Nicole then went to town.. We found Eric who said he wanted some E, so we took him up on a drive to Sydney at a later time. We just hung out in town for abit I guess, I can't really remember. Anyway, we went on a mission to sydney to find Eric some E and everyone else some paper goodness.Another middle man cut and gone, I have a steady income for the goodness now. lol. Not that I didn't before, just now its more stable. Anyway. We all got right outta er, basicly anyway. Me, Nicole, Jones, Mark and Brake found ourselves running though threes not knowing to much about anything.. Lots of running in the woods, Wow. We ended up out boomerang pound and chilled there for abit, checked out all that was mint and cool. Walked some more, found some road. 17 anyone? Yea? You? lol. We went up to Eric's new house at like 2 AM, being the retards we are. Then we walked out Russ's home way to get back to town. Lost our minds there. "Wonder Pipe". Ahaha.We walked all the way back to town and chilled at the bandshell for abit. I wish I came home kinda at this point, so I would have been a little fresher writing this. Anyway, this is where Nicole left and we went on a mission in the fog. Finding ourselves in town laying on the ground we thought it'd be a good idea to goto the rocks and watch the sun come up. End Result? MINT. Watching the waves beat on the rocks and feeling the warm sun coming up was unreal.What a weekend... But like I've been saying, I've been having to much fun, and soon its all going to come down. I can feel it. Watch and see.

A look into my sign..

Hey! If anyone really reads this you should post a reply about how well this describes me/doesn't.horoscope sign: ScorpioPersonality Overview: Scorpio is generally recognized as: determined, persistent, intense, emotional, intuitive, forceful yet subtle, imaginative, powerful, generous, loyal, passionate, exciting, and magnetic.On the shadow side: jealous, resentful, obstinate, compulsive, obsessive, brooding, secretive, vengeful, possessive, unyielding, extremist, and can appear cold and impassive.About my signScorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment. But those of us who are particularly perceptive will be aware of the harnessed aggression, the immense forcefulness, magnetic intensity, and often strangely hypnotic personality under the tranquil, but watchful composure of Scorpio. In conventional social gatherings they are pleasant to be with, thoughtful in conversation, dignified, and reserved, yet affable and courteous; they sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them.In their everyday behavior they give the appearance of being withdrawn from the center of activity, yet those who know them will recognize the watchfulness that is part of their character. They need great self-discipline, because they are able to recognize the qualities in themselves that make them different from other humans, and to know their utterly conventional natures can be used for great good, or great evil. Their tenacity and willpower are immense, their depth of character and passionate conviction overwhelming, yet they are deeply sensitive and easily moved by their emotions. Their sensitivity, together with a propensity for extreme likes and dislikes make them easily hurt, quick to detect insult or injury to themselves (often when none is intended) and easily aroused to ferocious anger. This may express itself in such destructive speech or action that they make lifelong enemies by their outspokenness, for they find it difficult not to be overly critical of anything or anyone to whom they take a dislike.They can harness their abundant energy constructively, tempering their self-confidence with shrewdness and their ambition with magnanimity toward others provided they like them. They relate to fellow workers only as leaders and can be blunt to those they dislike to the point of cruelty. In fact they are not above expressing vindictiveness in deliberate cruelty. They are too demanding, too unforgiving of faults in others, perhaps because they are not aware of the shortcomings within themselves, and extravagantly express their self-disgust in unreasonable resentment against their fellows. They do, however, make excellent friends, provided that their companions do nothing to impugn the honor of which Scorpios are very jealous. Part of the negative side of the Scorpio nature is a tendency to discard friends once they cease to be useful, but the decent native is aware of, and fights this tendency.They are fortunate in that their strong reasoning powers are tempered with imagination and intuition, and these gifts, together with critical perception and analytical capacity, can enable the Scorpions to penetrate to profundities beyond the average. They have a better chance of becoming geniuses than the natives of any other sign.But charismatic "twice-born" characters such as they can sink into the extremes of depravity if they take the wrong path, and the intensity of their nature exaggerates their harmful tendencies into vices far greater than the normal. Rebelliousness against all conventions, political extremism to the point where hatred of the Establishment makes them utterly unscrupulous terrorists. Brooding resentment, aggressive and sadistic brutality, total arrogance, morbid jealousy, extreme volatility of temperament, these are some of their vices. At the other extreme is the procrastinator, the man or woman who is capable of so much that they do nothing and become indolent and self-indulgent, requiring extravagant praise and flattery from those whom they make their cronies.Being so gifted, they can find fulfillment in many employments. Their inner intensity can result in the ice-cold self-control and detachment of the surgeon, the concentration of the research scientist, and the heroism of the soldier. Any profession in which analysis, investigation, research, dealing with practicalities, and the solving of mysteries are relevant, can appeal to them. So police and detective work, espionage and counterespionage, the law, physics or psychology may attract them, and they can become masters of the written and spoken word. They may be most persuasive orators and find fulfillment as diplomats or preachers and, if they make the Church their profession, their inner intensity can express itself in the spiritual fervor of the mystic or the thaumaturgy.Scorpio is the symbol of sex and Scorpios are passionate lovers, the most sensually energetic of all the signs. For them, union with the beloved is a sacrament, an "outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.". Their overriding urge in loving is to use their power to penetrate beyond themselves and to lose themselves sexually in their partners in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a marriage of the spirit as well as of flesh. They are thus capable of the greatest heights of passionate transport, but debauchery and perversion are always dangers, and Scorpios can become sadistic monsters of sensuality and eroticism. Their feelings are so intense that even when their love is of the highest, and most idealistic kind, they are nevertheless frequently protagonists in tragic, even violent romances, "star-crossed lovers".Possible Health Concerns...Scorpio governs the pelvis and reproductive and urinary systems and its subjects are said to be prone to ailments of the liver and kidneys, stones and gravel in the bladder or genitals, and other genital ills such as priapism. Abscesses, boils, carbuncles, fistulas, piles, ruptures and ulcers may also affect the Scorpions.Scorpio: Likes and dislikesLikes¤ Truth ¤ Hidden Causes ¤ Being involved ¤ Work That is Meaningful ¤ Being PersuasiveDislikes¤ Being Given Only Surface data ¤ Taken Advantage of ¤ Demeaning Jobs ¤ Shallow Relationships ¤ Flattery and Flattering

A look into my sign..

Hey! If anyone really reads this you should post a reply about how well this describes me/doesn't.horoscope sign: ScorpioPersonality Overview: Scorpio is generally recognized as: determined, persistent, intense, emotional, intuitive, forceful yet subtle, imaginative, powerful, generous, loyal, passionate, exciting, and magnetic.On the shadow side: jealous, resentful, obstinate, compulsive, obsessive, brooding, secretive, vengeful, possessive, unyielding, extremist, and can appear cold and impassive.About my signScorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment. But those of us who are particularly perceptive will be aware of the harnessed aggression, the immense forcefulness, magnetic intensity, and often strangely hypnotic personality under the tranquil, but watchful composure of Scorpio. In conventional social gatherings they are pleasant to be with, thoughtful in conversation, dignified, and reserved, yet affable and courteous; they sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them.In their everyday behavior they give the appearance of being withdrawn from the center of activity, yet those who know them will recognize the watchfulness that is part of their character. They need great self-discipline, because they are able to recognize the qualities in themselves that make them different from other humans, and to know their utterly conventional natures can be used for great good, or great evil. Their tenacity and willpower are immense, their depth of character and passionate conviction overwhelming, yet they are deeply sensitive and easily moved by their emotions. Their sensitivity, together with a propensity for extreme likes and dislikes make them easily hurt, quick to detect insult or injury to themselves (often when none is intended) and easily aroused to ferocious anger. This may express itself in such destructive speech or action that they make lifelong enemies by their outspokenness, for they find it difficult not to be overly critical of anything or anyone to whom they take a dislike.They can harness their abundant energy constructively, tempering their self-confidence with shrewdness and their ambition with magnanimity toward others provided they like them. They relate to fellow workers only as leaders and can be blunt to those they dislike to the point of cruelty. In fact they are not above expressing vindictiveness in deliberate cruelty. They are too demanding, too unforgiving of faults in others, perhaps because they are not aware of the shortcomings within themselves, and extravagantly express their self-disgust in unreasonable resentment against their fellows. They do, however, make excellent friends, provided that their companions do nothing to impugn the honor of which Scorpios are very jealous. Part of the negative side of the Scorpio nature is a tendency to discard friends once they cease to be useful, but the decent native is aware of, and fights this tendency.They are fortunate in that their strong reasoning powers are tempered with imagination and intuition, and these gifts, together with critical perception and analytical capacity, can enable the Scorpions to penetrate to profundities beyond the average. They have a better chance of becoming geniuses than the natives of any other sign.But charismatic "twice-born" characters such as they can sink into the extremes of depravity if they take the wrong path, and the intensity of their nature exaggerates their harmful tendencies into vices far greater than the normal. Rebelliousness against all conventions, political extremism to the point where hatred of the Establishment makes them utterly unscrupulous terrorists. Brooding resentment, aggressive and sadistic brutality, total arrogance, morbid jealousy, extreme volatility of temperament, these are some of their vices. At the other extreme is the procrastinator, the man or woman who is capable of so much that they do nothing and become indolent and self-indulgent, requiring extravagant praise and flattery from those whom they make their cronies.Being so gifted, they can find fulfillment in many employments. Their inner intensity can result in the ice-cold self-control and detachment of the surgeon, the concentration of the research scientist, and the heroism of the soldier. Any profession in which analysis, investigation, research, dealing with practicalities, and the solving of mysteries are relevant, can appeal to them. So police and detective work, espionage and counterespionage, the law, physics or psychology may attract them, and they can become masters of the written and spoken word. They may be most persuasive orators and find fulfillment as diplomats or preachers and, if they make the Church their profession, their inner intensity can express itself in the spiritual fervor of the mystic or the thaumaturgy.Scorpio is the symbol of sex and Scorpios are passionate lovers, the most sensually energetic of all the signs. For them, union with the beloved is a sacrament, an "outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.". Their overriding urge in loving is to use their power to penetrate beyond themselves and to lose themselves sexually in their partners in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a marriage of the spirit as well as of flesh. They are thus capable of the greatest heights of passionate transport, but debauchery and perversion are always dangers, and Scorpios can become sadistic monsters of sensuality and eroticism. Their feelings are so intense that even when their love is of the highest, and most idealistic kind, they are nevertheless frequently protagonists in tragic, even violent romances, "star-crossed lovers".Possible Health Concerns...Scorpio governs the pelvis and reproductive and urinary systems and its subjects are said to be prone to ailments of the liver and kidneys, stones and gravel in the bladder or genitals, and other genital ills such as priapism. Abscesses, boils, carbuncles, fistulas, piles, ruptures and ulcers may also affect the Scorpions.Scorpio: Likes and dislikesLikes¤ Truth ¤ Hidden Causes ¤ Being involved ¤ Work That is Meaningful ¤ Being PersuasiveDislikes¤ Being Given Only Surface data ¤ Taken Advantage of ¤ Demeaning Jobs ¤ Shallow Relationships ¤ Flattery and Flattering

And for today...

Well, today was rather uneventful.I didn't goto school and slept till about 3 PM. I felt alot better after eating fist fulls of pills, so at around 6 I went to town to meet Nicole and Jones. Got to town and sat around for abit, nothing really much went on. At like... 10:30 the lot of us went to Mark K's house and just chilled for abit. The only really eventful part of my night was when a song came on, though I'm not to sure what it was, and I listened to the lyrics.. Left Marks at around 12:30 and just got home now.Tomorrow, er today, is Friday, and I'm going to goto school and see what I can do about changing to SA. Hopefully it'll work out well.As for right now, I'm off to sleep. Tomorrow(Or today) is gonna be a BLAST. Loadedness all around.

Hello freedom?

So, I goto work today to find that I'm just going to get a really really bad sinus headache.. My hands where shaking and everything. I called Jimmy and Amy to see if they'd work for me, but I couldn't get ahold of eather of them. Not wanting to deal with Alexis I thought I could stay at work. But then I remembered I'd be alone for part of the night, and I was scared to work alone becuase I thought I was gonna pass out.. So, instead, I left and quit.Grand da came and picked me up and I fell asleep on the way home.When I got home I figgered I'd go out and see everyone and shit, to cheer myself up some. But I just got sicker. After staying at the pretty park abit, Jorden and Vicky came and they drove me and Nicole to Jonny's. Few people were there, just playing XBox. I started to burn up, and didn't feel to shit hot. I left at 12 ish and crawled home with Vince, Jones, and Nicole.. I hope that sleep will fix me up.After having just taken a few pills to fix my head, I'm going to set my aways and go sleep for 16 hours. Go Go Healing sleep/Magic Pills.Later!

And for today!

Well, I woke up at 10:30 feeling kinda sick. I got a shower and what not and went to school for 11:30 to pick what courses I wanted. Alot of them were full, and BEC's course selection sucks bad. So I'm in English 12, Global 12, and Data 12. Not to fun, I want to take courses like Philosophy and Sociology. Not computer courses. Urg.After that I just chilled outside with everyone over the rink and came home about 10 mins ago since I didn't want to goto a teachers class that doesn't know I'm on her list yet.I've got work at 5... And I'm still questioning quiting.. Alot. I donno what I should do. I really really don't want to work.. But I really really need an income. What to do what to do.. Thats all for now! Check back later. I'm out.